MY LIFE AS A CLUSTERFUCK: A MEMOIR

In my dream I was standing alone in a dark room and staring at a full body oval mirror. I was wearing my pjs: Black shirt and blue spandex shorts and I was just staring into the mirror. At first I just saw myself, but then a fog started forming in the mirror totally covering me up and there appeared a woman in a nice form fitting maroon dress. Her hair was curly and down. Her face was very kind and warm. She was so beautiful. She smiled at me looking very secure with her big brown eyes. I realized that I was staring at myself, only it was a more secure self. She held out her hand through the mirror and I took it as she let me into the mirror itself. She seemed very happy...almost complete. "Hello there," she said in a very warm voice. Her voice seemed filled with wisdom and I felt compelled to hug her and so I did. "It's OK," she said to me. "You're allowed to hug me. As a matter of fact I welcome them". I smiled at her "matter of fact" way of speaking. "Am I here for a reason?" I asked her. "We're all here for a reason. We just have to realize what it is," she answered and then she turned and with a quick nod of her head she told me to follow her. As we walked down this long hall way, I noticed that flowers would bloom where ever she passed. It smelled very nice actually. Like spring. "What is this place?" I asked. She giggled. It wasn't that annoying blonde bimbo giggle. It was the type of intelligent giggle if there is such a thing. "This is your mind, dear. We all have one. And since we all have one, we all have a subcounscience." "You mean this is my brain and my subconscience?" I asked. "Yup," she replied. "So are you like the successful version of me or something?" She smiled slightly as I walked beside her. "Not exactly. Think of it as who you are now." "I can't be you now. You seem so...well..." "Secure? Well, I am. I'm you. Believe it or not you're a lot more secure than you give yourself credit." "You gotta be kidding me," I replied in disbelief. "Nope." She stopped walking as did I and turned to face me. "Ami, I am you. I'm IN you. You just have to let me out. And you can do it. I've seen you try. I'm always waiting for those little moments where you let me shine in you because I am you. I know it's confusing, but its the best way I can describe it." I didn't say much. It took me a while to respond. Then I finally asked a question: "How can I find you in me?" "You don't look for me, darling. You just live your life and realize that you are someone and that you are worth something. You know that you work hard and that you are reaching your goals. You just have to give it time. That's all. Don't run too fast without knowing where you're going. (This is what my dad said to me in the email he sent me that nearly brought tears to my eyes.) Just be." "Yeah, but how do I do all that?" I questioned. She smiled at me as if she were a mother doting on her small child and took my hand. "Just be. You'll find me when you're ready to just be." I just looked at her. She then looked at her small watch around her wrist. "Looks like my time is up, kiddo. I have to get going." "What? Now? Why?" "Because my time is up, Ami. Anyway, we'll meet again." "But when? How?" "Just like I told you. Just be..." She winked and then faded with the fog that built up around us.